It has been a while since I have blogged. I remember one of my English teachers in high school said that she hated newspaper columnists because they were paid to write something every day, and so their words become forced instead of inspired. I never want that to happen when it comes to my art. Taking my photography from a hobby to a career has endangered my spontaneity behind the lens, and on more than one occasion this year I have considered closing my business and going back to a "regular" job so that I can refocus my field of vision. (pun intended)
But that is neither here nor there. I wanted to talk about a few things that happened this year. In 2015, I have been tested in more than one way, and my own "Wormwood" has been having a field day in my heart. The Evil One has a battle plan for all of us, and our Wormwood is well-versed in pressing all the right buttons to make us feel broken beyond repair. Like C.S. Lewis in "The Screwtape Letters", I am imagining what The Enemy's strategy was. He knew the events that would occur in my life this year, and if I had to imagine his letter to my personal "Wormwood", (I don't want to know his real name.) I can imagine Screwtape writing him in this fashion:
"My Dear Wormwood, I have taken note of the things your man must endure this year, and while they could (if we lose our head) be used for his own betterment against us, if we are careful and play our game correctly, each of these events can be used for maximum pain and anguish in the heart and the mind. We can remind him of his mortality, his poor choices, his lack of reason, his unworthiness, and for good measure, we can use others around him to amplify these things. Never forget, Wormwood, that unlike so many others, your man has the terrifying advantage of knowing you exist. Most do not, but your man is very aware of you. He knows, Wormwood! Keep behind him, where he is most vulnerable, and you are best concealed.
Let's begin, Wormwood, with his health. This year he will have so many unexplained aches, pains, sicknesses, and general malaise that he will have ultimately felt like his warranty card ran out the moment he turned 41. Have him focus on those maladies, and deem them his death coming sooner than he ever imagined. In the spring, an event will occur to nail this idea homeward: He will have a mild heart attack. The next few weeks following will be a living nightmare of his own creation. He will be waiting for impending news of quadruple bypass, or even death. Have him focus on putting his affairs in order, and saying goodbye to everyone in his mind. Of course, he's not dying, but HE doesn't know that. We're not done with him by a long-shot, Wormwood.
We're going to remind him of every opportunity in life he felt he was entitled to, and instead overlooked. We're going to bring back memories of what he could have done differently, and make him wish he could go back in time and change them so that he wouldn't have to endure them now. We're going to remind him of things he held so dear that are now out of reach, and make him feel so sick to his stomach that he wants to cry out in rage over those very things he has no control over. Naturally, the things we love the most are the things we hate to lose, so don't forget to remind him of the past--DAILY. He can't do a thing about the past, but we can make him dwell on it!
Now then, remember that little "spiritual journey" he went on in summer where he gave his life over to The One again? Well, we'll answer to that! Shortly after, we are going to unleash such a multitude of assaults that even if he does appeal to his Creator, he will feel like his prayers are empty and futile. We must bare down hard and not lose our grip on him at this moment, lest our efforts totter and collapse. This could be the opportunity we have been waiting for since the vile creature left our camp and turned his life over to The One some twenty-three years ago. Remember your humiliation when he held hands with that half-wit and prayed that insipid prayer? You felt so helpless as you stood there, watching him give his life over to something greater than you! Remember that terrible day now. Harness that hatred and hammer it on him with both fists. Don't let him realize for one moment that this present atrocity might actually be a tool by The One who "loves him" to bring him a different kind of joy. Let him focus on the darkness, and make sure he allows just as much of that anguish to pour out on those around him...the ones he loves most.
Your man is an infant at heart. They all are, Wormwood. Envision your man as a child in his playroom, toys scattered about from corner to corner. He can't possibly play with them all at once. Now imagine his reaction when his father comes in and says that gift he loves most must be taken away because he left it lying on the stair for the third time in a row. Suddenly all the others matter very little, and the one that is being sacrificed becomes the most priceless treasure. Had he looked after it better, it might have not come to this, but a child does not see it this way. They only see the grievance. The child blames his father for the loss, of course. Make sure the man does the same. I will be in touch with your cousins who are in charge of so many "friends" around him to him to ensure they either support his anger, or make him feel like he is worthless. He may have true friends in his corner (You know who they are, Wormwood.) but have him focus on the opinions of his modern-day Eliphazes, Bildads, and Zophars. We've got a lot going for us with your man, let's not lose this golden opportunity given to us.
P.S. You mentioned in your letter his pet is dying. Make sure to maximize his mourning for it. We want his pain, Wormwood. Remember yourself. If you play your fiddle smartly, we can own his Christmas holiday as well.
Your affectionate uncle, Screwtape"
I'm not nearly as talented with the pen as C.S. Lewis, but I know my Wormwood very well. The past few weeks, he has been having a banquet at my own expense. I felt like I was fighting this battle all alone, and there was no end in sight. I prayed deeply for weeks, and only after my complete surrender, God answered. As usual, God has a way of answering in ways I never saw coming. He answered me in the voice of my wife. He answered me in the words of scripture in my daily bible study. He answered me from the pulpit last Sunday.
And, he answered me last night as I lie in bed.
It is that final answer I want to make sure I share with you. You may be suffering in a way that you feel is both unimaginable, and unmanageable. The walls may be collapsing all around you, and your heart may be in the process of being ripped to shreds. We try to take on our demons single-handed, and we fall. Oh, how we fall.
But back to that answer God gave me. Four years ago, my family began praying for a woman who lived halfway across the state. She was a friend of a friend, but in the years that followed, she became a part of our weekly life through prayer. Initially, she had gone to the hospital to have a baby, an event that should have been nothing but joy. While she was there, it was discovered that she had cancer. From a distance, and from our knees, we watched her battle this horrible affront to her body. She had good days, and bad days. She had moments that looked like it was beaten, and moments that seemed like she had been beaten. Prayers for this young woman spread far and wide as people who loved her shared her story with others in church and at home. Her young husband prayed for her. Her children prayed for her. I believe the very grass under her feet cried out to God for her healing.
But healing did not come. A few days ago, after four years of fighting, she lost her earthly battle with cancer. Those of us who kept up with her story knew how strong she had been, all the way until the end. I can't form words to emphasize who Kristi Casey was, but I do know who she IS. She is a victorious child of God, and she overcame.
She BEAT her disease.
She OVERCAME her Wormwood.
I can't even form words right now. Just...gah...I'm lost. Lost in His grace. I have so much to be thankful for in my home, in my heart, in my family...
And in this video that was taped of her just a short time ago, where she talks NOT about her cancer, but about having love and hope, I hope you will see what I saw.
Victory.
