My Helper

A couple of years ago, I was doing the manly duty of taking an old appliance to the recycle center. Our washing machine had given out, and we had replaced it. Now the old one was sitting on our back deck collecting pollen and dirt. It was time for it to go.

I was the only one at home at the time, and I knew I couldn't lift it alone (a dryer is one thing, a washer is another!) but that didn't stop me from trying to load it. I'm THE MAN after all.

I backed our car up to the porch, tilted the washer backward, and only then discovered I had not moved the car close enough. The solution was easy. Get back in the car and try again. Did I do that? Nope. I decided to let the washer slide to the ground, and to pick one side up and slide it into the back. This was all well and good until I got to the "sliding" part.

Picture this now. I have the top of the washer (the part with the controls...the lighter end) sitting on the tailgate. I am on the other end of the washer, lifting it up so it is level, and attempting to push it into the car. I'm having trouble gripping the slippery sides of the washer, but instead of putting it down and waiting for help, I opt for a new grip instead. I put my (un-gloved) fingers under the little metal frame that the feet sit on, and with my new grip, I can now have better control over this. At least, that is what I think anyway, until gravity takes over, and the "leveling" system of the washer kicks in. The little frame I was holding pushed itself up inside the frame of the washer, trapping my fingers. The more I try to pull them out, the tighter the springs held. I thought "Okay, not good. I'll just sit it down and wait for help."

Then it happens. As I lower it to the ground, the weight of the washer shifts downward, causing the springs to tighten further, locking my fingers firmly in place between their "jaws". These are not smooth edges I am dealing with now, they are unfinished steel braces. I feel the edges dig into my fingers, and as the weight increases, I realize that no matter what I do, (lift it or lower it) the result will be the same. They will only get tighter. I need someone to come help me, but nobody is home. The neighbors are gone, and my phone is in my pocket. I feel my fingers going numb, see blood trickle down my hands, know that bone has been reached at this point, and I settle in on one idea:

"Ok. I'm going to lose a couple of fingers. Maybe if I retrieve them, ice them, and can drive myself to the hospital, I can save them." It's amazing how calm you can be when you have nobody to help you panic. I stopped at that point to pray, and asked God for wisdom. At that moment, a miracle happened. One worn spring inside the leveling mechanism broke, allowing me to free my fingers. I was very, VERY lucky that day. I also learned an important lesson: Never do dangerous work alone. 

I need to fast forward here.

Earlier today, I woke up to find my wife lying next to me, crying. I won't go into all she was upset over, but one thing she said to me at the end of her sadness made the feelings she was having hit me like a ton of bricks. She said "And I'm going to be forty!"

Married men, I want to address you here. Your wife may never say anything about it, and she may seem like the type of person who doesn't stress over getting older, getting wrinkles, gray hair, or losing her younger figure. These thoughts do occur to her though. This feeling may be compounded if she sees you appear to steal a glance at a younger woman in the store, a shapely girl at the gym, or finds you looking at a web page with a woman on it. She's not flying off the deep end, she just needs to know how much you love her, and that she is the center of your world.

Everything is ok now. I reassured her that she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me, and I even made her say it to herself. She smiled and held me, and I held her back. I will never find another woman like her, and I wouldn't dare try.

Today, as I was thinking back on she and I talking about things, I remembered something important. Something I had taught to the teens in our homeschool group from "Song of Solomon". It described the way a woman NEEDS to feel in a relationship between her and a man. It doesn't matter if she is 16 and he is her first boyfriend, if she is 23 and her fiance, or 39 and they have been married for 14 years. She needs to not only feel this way, but KNOW in her heart it is true. See the photo below:

You see that second part? That is every bit as important as the first. It doesn't matter if you as a husband have been faithful from the beginning. It doesn't matter if you have never looked at another woman. It doesn't matter if you have "kept only unto her" like it said in your wedding vows. Yes, all of those things are important, and crucial to a relationship. However without the second part, they are all completely empty. 


So what does it mean that "His desire is for her."? Of course, when you were younger and had first met, desire was not a problem. You wanted her more than anything, and day and night you focused on making her yours...winning her heart! Women love to be pursued, and after marriage, the pursuit is over! She's yours, every day! Why bother continuing to pursue her? 

I will tell you why; because she needs it. She deserves it. If you are not willing to fight for her love on  daily basis, she will begin to wonder if you want it as much as you did when she said the vows that bonded her to you forever. Is she worth it?

You know the answer to that.

Let's talk now about something huge for her. Something that turns her on like nothing in the world. Something that makes her yearn for you as the man, and a seed of the most pure feminine fragments that God wove into your "Eve". 



One word: Trust.

Sounds simple, doesn't it? Of course she can trust you. Haven't you told her that over and over?

I had to examine my life recently, and several things occurred to me. It had to do with a question that was in my devotional book from Ravi Zacharias. He asked if Jesus was allowed into certain areas of your life ONLY, or if you gave Him full access. If you cannot give Jesus full access, you are not committed to Him, and worse, you are CHEATING on Him.

I began to apply the examples that were given in the devotional about Jesus to my wife. This is what I found to be true:

If you are unwilling to show or uncomfortable with your wife knowing where you have surfed on the internet, TRUST is at stake.

If you would be antsy or uneasy about your wife having full access to your cell phone's contact list, message history, browser history, application data, or photo albums, TRUST is at stake.

If you would prefer your wife not go with you to places you might run into single women, TRUST is at stake.

If you have hidden books, files, emails, records, letters, or anything that you feel might make your wife jealous, get rid of them. TRUST is at stake.

If there is any activity, any place you go, any part of your heart that you feel you must keep hidden from your wife, get rid of it. TRUST is at stake. 

Every day, open your heart to her FULLY. Tell her you love her, and MEAN IT. If you haven't kissed her like you were lovers in a long time, DO IT. Remember that outside of your own salvation in Christ, your wife is your greatest gift on earth.

Treasure her.

Romance her.

Hold her.

Belong to her.

If you do these things, a lot of the complaints husbands have about "She isn't the wife I married." would vanish.

Is Emily the wife I married?

Nope.

She is BETTER.

And like the author of "Song of Solomon" said of a true husband: "If anyone offered the world in exchange for the love of a man's wife, he would be furious, and utterly denied."

My wife. My heart. 

My Helper.